The Great and Secret Knowledge

Legendary SF author, Lois McMaster Bujold, joins Sofia and Jeff to cover all manner of fascinating subjects, including the Vorkosigan Saga and the Five Gods series. You won't be disappointed! Stay tuned for Part 2!   Jeff's podcasts   Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)   James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024 Here’s James website for all his activities:  jameslark.co.uk   Possible show titles   Emo Gregor   Links   The Wonderful Flight to the Mushroom Planet Robert Heinlein juveniles Star Trek Forbidden Planet The Vor Game The Greatest Generation Doctor Who The Incomparable Shards of Honor The Warrior's Apprentice tight third-person Pat Wrede "writers get different things for free" carbon copies Alexandre Dumas Ethan of Athos Lillian Stewart Carl Dreamweaver's Dilemma Proto Zoa Coleco Adam Worldcon Betsy Mitchell Baen Books Patrick Nielsen Hayden Analog Magazine Hugo Awards The Whole Man The Ship Who Sang Falling Free Barrayar Borders of Infinity Brothers in Arms Toni Weisskopf On Strategy: The Vietnam War in Context Roman story about Christian martyrs frozen on a lake Ender's Game Prisoner's Dilemma Ron Miller Spockinalia John Ayotte in medias res  

In this episode, James Lark returns to discuss chapters 11 thru 14 of Jonathan Stroud's fantasy masterpiece, The Amulet of Samarkand. In these chapters, we discuss Peter Rabbit, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, being handcuffed to your enemy, the election of popes, and more!   Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!  https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd Recommendations   Conclave (2024) Blue Velvet Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016) Citadel Diana   Possible Show Titles   A Noble Entity From Another Place Unwillingly Entwined Suppress the Fanboy Obscene and Fetid and Fug   Jeff's podcasts   Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show) James's podcast   Neurotic Literature James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024 Here’s James website for all his activities:  jameslark.co.uk Social Media   Jeff Richardson   @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon   James Lark   @worksoflark on Instagram and @jameslark on Twitter Links "Resurrection of the Daleks" - Doctor Who Joe Ford, podcaster extraordinaire genius loci from Dresden Files Mills and Boone romance novels American Psycho the real Gladstone and Disraeli Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle Nicholas Nickleby The Jungle by Upton Sinclair Hugo The Avengers Lois McMaster Bujold Strictly Come Hamster Gary Russell election of a pope Isabella Rossellini Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016) Peter Rabbit Watership Down Dirk Gently (2010) Sherlock Douglas Adams Life, the Universe and Everything Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy  Doctor Who (TV movie) "Web of Fear" - Doctor Who Extended Notes   Chapter 11 B is impressed that N is framing his master N denies it B explains how unusual it is to target your own master, especially so early in your education B explains how apprenticeship is meant to work "Since the days of the Median Magi, students have always lived alone in their mentors’ house—one master to one pupil, conducting their lessons with secrecy and stealth. From ziggurat to pyramid, from sacred oak to skyscraper, thousands of years pass and things don’t change." B likes that the kid is so ambitious, willing to get his master killed B hadnt heard of Underwood so he figured he was a lowlevel nobody. This suggests that B has been summoned in the past few decades (unless wizards have extra long lifespans) "he had all the time-honored attributes that other humans associate with great and powerful magic: a mane of unkempt hair the color of tobacco ash, a long whitish beard that jutted outward like the prow of a ship, and a pair of particularly bristly eyebrows." Martha is fully dressed and B is relieved. He must not like female nudity - that or hes not into older women Underwood complains about the spider (B) to Martha B goes to study, sees a pentacle on the door B puts on a shield the amulet sucks up the fire from the trap he slips in and sees the study he remarks that the security is pretty weak he goes into the cabinet and is underwhelmed by the objects inside he slides the amulet behind a bird token B goes up stairs but stops when he sees Mrs U leading N down N knows hes screwed because B is supposed to quietly stick near to him until summoned U is so rude to N and his wife B hears Nathaniels name! B studies the boys appearance and manner B capers to attract Ns attention Underwood complains about the PM hanging with Makepeace, who writes misonformation into his plays he thinks the PM should help the interior dept instead of socializing U says N has done well enough to perform his first summoning U thinks the boy is scared of summoning but its actually cuz N is tripping about B hearing his real name the plan is to summon a natterjack impling or a mouler. B is unimpressed Ns contact lenses have arrived N hears a noise at the door U disregards it he wants N to bring a book of names N clearly can tell B got his name The boots were on the other eight feet now Chapter 12 He complains about U not teaching him enough he says how hes read all these books N says its peaceful and he likes the statue. Who is it? Its Gladstone! he was a powerful PM fought duel with Disraeli over a woman he gets shirty about it and starts ranting about how good the govt is she explains that some countries dont need magicians he says she doesnt know anything because shes a commoner she says commoners can be smart he asks if she wanted to be a wizard she says no and shes happy to be an art teacher N is surprised she has other pupils it makes me feel queasy Mrs U blows in frantic Apparently U wants him to meet some guests Miss L thinks this is good news U is daunted by the thought of meeting all these magicians they dont look like magicians N is underwhelmed U is schmoozing when he sees N he waves him over meets three wizards old tomato face clammy doughboy slickback big teeth aka simon lovelace doughboy has a question big teeth is super rude N contradicts one of them U sends him away BT observes that hes not afraid of his elders perhaps you dont think we're your betters? N doesnt answer cuz hes confused BT demands a quiz from N U isnt protecting him at all N answers all the questions right Simon asks him about six words of direction U objects because he shouldnt know that yet N does it men are impressed SL says some rude shit and N claps back calls him a sore loser SL has demons attack the boy everyone is staring at N he looks to U who is mad at him instead of SL? he leaves and goes upstairs he runs into Mrs U he asks her who the bigteeth guy is she says its Simon Lovelace repetition of You're capable of nothing. You're helpless. You're too weak to fight back does James ever use this technique? he goes to the workroom and grabs the box of mites the party is breaking up, with wizards at the door. N says the words and smashes the box with a hammer the six mites go for the magicians Simon bats his away dough face falls down outside and gets a couple attacking his skin old man barely reacts, sending his into the carpet, where Simon smashes it with his foot U is shocked. He goes to doughface and deactivates the mites N rushes to the schoolroom Ms Lutyens is there she realizes N is upset and goes to comfort him SL uses magic to lift N into the air, tips him up butt first, and spanks him repeatedly until he loses all sense hes stuck in his room for a month, punished severely. he hd no lessons and could only sit in his room and look out the window he finds a pen and starts sketching the outside. then he begins intricately plotting his revenge did you plot anything at age 10? seems unusual Mrs U is forbidden from talking to him when school starts again he learns that Ms Lutyens has been fired chapter 13 he spends a lot of time in the garden, plotting revenge or reading books he looks to the statue of Gladstone for inspiration, to keep his determination up he plans to emulate Gladstone by punishing his enemies N decides to come at Lovelace with sneakiness and trickery, not head on N pretends to be reformed, wearing a meek and pliant mask he controls his face just like a master liar/sociopath he doesnt see U as his master anymore Underwood not defending him made N lose all respect. A master should treat an apprentice like their child why didnt U protect him? because hes a coward afraid of Lovelace's power did you ever have a situation like that? sacking Ms Lutyens was among U's worst crimes N could not forgive U for this Mrs U was his only light, but he couldnt be totally honest with her he doesnt have his own lenses yet so he used the masters to summon an imp he makes a polished bronze disc he waits until the Us leave for a trip he makes a circle and uses a bowl of rowan wood and hazel he steps into his circle and begins he starts his incantation and wishes he had some water once you start you cant safely stop a naked baby with yellow eyes and red lips appears N confines it into the disc N can now spy all over the place. he keeps the disc hidden under the roof tiles first he spies on his masters office, but gives up after seeing how boring it is he spies on Ms Lutyens and her pupil N orders imp to spy on Lovelace. it balks at this given how powerful S is this job its not impossible, just difficult he sees SL typing on a computer imp is getting bored, N orders him to stay he says a word that causes the imp pain he cant get too near in case Lovelaces defenses twig  this brings us to the introduction of the scary huge beardo L is startled by the mans appearance, suggesting that the guy bypassed all his security. how does he do that? L whips out a bunch of cash Imp warns him that a watcher is on its way N tells him to stay until the last second L reaches out for his prize Big Beardo gives him a small parcel, which he frantically unwraps imp dips out but before he does N sees the amulet  hes being annoying but N demands to know what he saw and heard L was super eager Big Beardo says "the Amulet of Samarkand is yours, Lovelace." six months pass while he prepares his plan. the imp cant get that close again U is still slowrolling him, thinking hes too dull to teach new things chapter 14 Bartimaeus decides to manifest as a human next time hes summoned he decides to look like Ptolemy, a fourteen year old Egyptian boy. he thought it would inspire the boys jealousy and rivalry B is stoked cuz he has a handle on the kid now N goes to his circle B appears in London gear N tries to order B Bs like give over, kid N is losing his cool Nathaniel goes for the Systemic Vise Bartimaeus intones Nathaniel's name, followed by a counter-spell the kid cancels the spell before it can rebound on him Bartimaeus keeps flippin shit B says he'll go back to his bag of tricks the kid busts out the Stimulating Compass B launches this one back and nearly kills the kid a second time Bartimaeus is like careful your master will come up to see what youre doing N isnt worried he realizes that B learned his name and thats how he could counterspell (but didnt he already show that he was anxious about it in the scene with the master about getting his name?) N gets mad when B talks like a teen he starts to get into a fighting stance, B follows his lead Ptolemy was very similar in look to Nathaniel, though much better looking (I'm wondering if Bartimaeus's love for him is sexual as well as filial) N ponders how he can break Bartimaeus without being countered B hopes that he can exhaust the boy by making him angry B finds out that N isnt working for anyone else, he's doing it on his own B tells him some girl tried to take the amulet N is intrigued, but charges on he tells B about big beardo about how he was covered in blood he thinks Lovelace is up to some bad business N starts to give B new orders but B explains how he has no leverage he tells N that he could spill Ns name to friends and enemies N decides to pull that move where you send multiple copies of the blackmail info to your attorney to be mailed to the media in the event of your death it works! B gives in and agrees to continue working  

In this episode, Sofia B returns to talk about chapters 6 and 7 of Lois McMaster Bujold's science fiction masterpiece, The Vor Game, featuring our favorite young hero, Miles Vorkosigan!   The Vor Game, Chapters 6 and 7 with Sofia B   Jeff's podcasts   Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)   James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024 Here’s James website for all his activities:  jameslark.co.uk   Recommendations Kaikeyei (Vaishanavi Patel) Interference (an 8th Doctor novel) Social Media   Jeff Richardson   @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon     Links the starship Enterprise Spontaneous human combustion The Warrior's Apprentice The Expanse Medea Wicked Shards of Honor Extended Notes   its autumn in Vorbarr Sultana earth import trees "Miles glimpsed one such tree. An Earth maple, with carnelian leaves and a silver-gray trunk, across the street. Then the door closed. Miles held that tree before his mind’s eye, trying to memorize it, just in case he never saw it again." hes taken upstairs in impsec to see the boss, Simon Illyan Overhult is unsure about leaving Miles alone with Simon Simon is unconcerned Miles looks like absolute shit Simon looks him over it gives Miles some deja vu this is an easter egg for those whove read the warriors apprentice People fear Illyan, but a lot of that is the office hes been in the job20 years screwed up during the soltoxin attack illyan is only afraid of Miles's mom apparently because of "vivid first impressions" impressions plural? Miles used to call him Uncle Simon. now its sir Simon looks utterly exhausted "them. The facts appear to be mutating every forty minutes, like bacteria. I don’t suppose you could have picked some more public way to self-destruct? Attempted to assassinate the Emperor with your pocketknife during the Birthday Review, say, or raped a sheep in the Great Square during rush hour?”" he doesnt understand how Miles could have betrayed his father like this Miles doesnt think he really did Count V and aide walk in Miles is jealous of how brilliant respected tall and handsome Jole is (Vs aide) "Jole was even worse than Ivan, who while darkly handsome had never been accused of brilliance." Simon turns off recording equipment his father hugs him - its quite touching Miles explains the incident CV is fiddling with a light pen Miles is annoyed by this CV must notice his reaction because he puts it away this shows he is cognizant of his actions and doesnt want to annoy his subordinates (or his son) what a contrast with Metzov CV is furious that Metzov dragooned trainees for the firing squad "General Metzov, by your account,” said Admiral Vorkosigan, “dragged a platoon of eighteen-year-olds into what came within a hair of being a mass torture-murder.”       Miles nodded in memory. His body still twinged with assorted agonies.       “For that sin, there is no hole deep enough to hide him from my wrath. Metzov will be taken care of, all right.”" Miles explains that half the techs were Greekies Illyan is stunned to see that Metzov had no concern for the fallout Miles says he thought itd be a problem, but he wasnt conscious of it until after the fact but that doesnt stop him from spinning "It . . . occurred to me, that if I died with them, at least it would be crystal clear that it hadn’t been some plot of your government or the Vor oligarchy. So that if I lived, I won, and if I died, I won too. Or at least served. Strategy, of sorts.”" Miles asks if he'll be charged with treason Illyan says no, but mentions its the second time... he plans to hide M until it blows over Miles asks for mercy for the mutineers, since they were in it together CV explains that if he lets them off, Miles's career will be ruined  "Miles exhaled, a long breath. “In a weird sense, they were my men. Do it. Kill the charges.”       “Will you resign your commission, then?” demanded Illyan. He looked sick.       Miles felt sick, nauseous and cold. “I will.”" Illyan asks how Miles knew about Metzovs actions during the Komarr revolt  M explains that he and Ivan did it hes annoyed that Ivan didnt tell Illyan Miles is trippin so he sits down cross legged his dad thinks about helping but doesnt he recommends they fast-penta Ahn Miles explains how he and Ivan did the research CV almost laughs  "Airtight security, you said,” murmured Count Vorkosigan, unsuccessfully suppressing a wheezing laugh. “The most expensive yet devised. Proof against the cleverest viruses, the most sophisticated eavesdropping equipment. And two ensigns waft right through it?”       Goaded, Illyan snapped, “I didn’t promise it was idiot-proof!”" Illyan is so over Miles's bullshit "This, on top of your earlier escapade with those damned mercenaries, on top of it all—house arrest isn’t enough. I won’t sleep through the night till I have you locked in a cell with your hands tied behind your back.”" CV proposes that Illyan bring Miles into ImpSec Illyan realizes no one will have Miles but himself "None that I could, in honor, lean on to take him. Excepting yourself. I have always”— Count Vorkosigan flashed a peculiar grin—“leaned on you, Simon.”" they plan to hide him - true exile but not disgrace "Security can use his talents. Security more than any other department needs his talents.”       “To see the obvious?”       “And the less obvious. Many officers may be trusted with the Emperor’s life. Rather fewer with his honor.”" CV suggests Miles go to infirmary he asks about Kyril Island "The climate was ferocious, the terrain was lethal, a third of the population including my immediate superior was dead drunk most of the time. The average IQ equaled the mean temperature in degrees cee, there wasn’t a woman for five hundred kilometers in any direction, and the base commander was a homicidal psychotic. Other than that, it was lovely.”" Miles is surprised to learn CV once commanded the base "How’d you like it?”       “I can’t remember much. I was drunk most of the time. Everybody finds their own way of dealing with Camp Permafrost. I might say, you did rather better than I." Miles has one more question "Miles looked up at his father. “Did I do the right thing, sir? Last night?”       “Yes,” said the Count simply. “A right thing. Perhaps not the best of all possible right things. Three days from now you may think of a cleverer tactic, but you were the man on the ground at the time. I try not to second-guess my field commanders.”       Miles’s heart rose in his aching chest for the first time since he’d left Kyril Island. He nodded, satisfied." Miles goes downstairs to infirmary the surgeon seems awed by CV Miles knows the real CV, the one who came home for lunch every day to spend quality time with his son "Only Miles knew the interior view of those hours, how the big man in the green uniform would bolt a sandwich in five minutes and then spend the next hour and a half down on the floor with his son who could not walk, playing, talking, reading aloud." when Miles didnt want to do PT, CV would spur him forward "'You are Vor. You must not frighten your liege people with this show of uncontrol, Lord Miles.”" M realizes that with CV in his life, no wonder he wasnt awed by Metzov He's treated for five days in the infirmary then released "Why can't I go home?" Miles complained to his mother on her next visit. "Nobody's telling me anything. If I'm not under arrest, why can't I take home leave? If I am under arrest, why aren't the doors locked? I feel like I'm in limbo." "Countess Cordelia Vorkosigan vented an unladylike snort. "You are in limbo, kiddo." we get a great description of Lady Vorkosigan he thinks about how she was a captain on an astronomical survey, an explorer, brave she moves through Barrayaran society with aplomb   "It was the casual fearlessness, Miles decided, that made his mother so unsettling." Miles complains about not being let out. Lady V explains the fallout annoying bit of unnecessary exposition: "Think of it as a funny reservist." She would know this already Metzov is getting booted by with no court martial. Miles is still in limbo tho the plan is for the Barrayaran militaristss to settle down before letting him out "It all seems so unreal." He hunched back into his pillow. "I only wanted to serve." She suggests that he could up Vorness and see the galaxy he counters with why don't you do that?  "Ah." She smiled bleakly at the touche. "Some people's needs are more compelling than guns." turns out the Count cant come see him to make it look like he's angry unnecessary exposition: the thing about Aral's high hopes in Miles around his congenital injuries. clearly they both have talked about this already "Miles sighed glumly. "I want something to do. I want my clothes back." Ivan doesnt want Miles's limbo stuck on him (like a button on the episode) Chapter 7 Miles is led to his protected witnesses apartment he thinks about being a political nonperson "Was it possible life in limbo was having a chameleon effect, rendering him translucent?" he has all his stuff from Kyril Island he looks around. ordinary stuff there must be bugs all over Miles didn't have any neighbors he wanders around but gets gently directed back to his area he thinks about rappeling down the outside Miles gets enough food tokens for a month and shudders He cleans all his stuff and gets dressed he pretends he's in a cabin on a starship Someone comes to his door its a guard, scanning for whatnot in comes a man, the emperor gregor vor barra Miles gestures him to sit asks if Emperor has bugs running he says he asked for none but who knows with Illyan Emperor has wine, the private reserve "elegant anesthesia" Gregor cant stay too long, but they have time to pound a couple bottles he references Cordelia's religion - what is it? Mom put Gregor up to it, even provided the wine calls it ambrosia made me wish i could still drink wine Miles thinks about growing up with Gregor, tho he was five years older than Miles Ivan and Elena Gregor gives sympathy about Miles's military career he complains about his dull service he talks about their forebears, how active they were militarily Miles says they were flung into situations Mad Yuri killed most of CVs family Gregors melancholy, Miles wonders if he's thinking about how bad his father was, or if he even knew the truth about Serg's evil "Nobody who'd known Serg talked about him, Count Vorkosigan least of all. Miles had met one of Serg's victims. Miles hoped Gregor never would." Miles asks about Gregor's birthday Gregor says folks are all trying to get him to marry Miles is like go for it dude, have a son and settle all this schemery Gregors like you could be one of the schemers Miles is like have you seen me? bro i look wack. get married have kids Gregor ponders running away Miles does not like where this is going Gregor asks about the chinese emperor who swept up somewhere Miles is like no dude youre Vor, you cant wander off Miles tries to distract by playing tacti-go even though he doesn't want to Gregor tries to beat Miles. Miles goes easy on him, but not too obviously. Gregors having fun they drink more "I don't think I've beaten you at this since you were fourteen," sighed Gregor, concealing secret satisfaction at the low point spread of that last round. "You should be an officer, dammit" Miles explains that the game isnt analogous to real battle. Miles likes it for not being so chaotic Gregors like wtf why did they send you there, mentions the time Miles commanded a space fleet Miles is like chill dude thats a secret also he didnt prove he could obey, only command Gregor says he doesnt know why Illyan didnt do more with them he likes that Miles brought them secretly into Barrayar's service Miles thinks Illyan took the deal to keep them from working for Barrayar's enemies explains their size and function Miles sort of tells the story of sneaking in and tricking them all into serving him he thinks about how wild it was hes not fond of heights? how has this not come up Gregor ass ghow Kyril Island compared to battle with the Dendarii? "Oh, there were certain parallels," Miles admitted. "Both were jobs I wasn't trained for, both were potentially lethal, I got out of both by my skin - lost some skin. The Dendarii episode was....worse." Miles should have put on tunes, the silence is oppressive Miles asks Gregor to get him out Gregor admits that he feels compelled to do what Illyan and Vorkosigan suggest he do Illyan wants him kept out of sight so thats that "How much time? Dammit, if I don't get something to do soon, I'm going to be the first case of human spontaneous combustion recorded on vid."  they still havent proven that that is a thing, hilarious Miles is way drunk now, says they're treating him like a mascot Gregor knocks over a stack of chips "Being a mascot isn't bad work, if you can get it." He promises to talk to Illyan about it Miles gets a job! He's administrative assistant to the guard commander for the building he's there a month and so over it he wonders if he'll get out before Winterfair another month he starts to watch every training vid in the library gets halfway before being called to Illyan's office There he meets his superior, Captain Ungari specialist in military evaluation Illyan surprises Miles to report any news on the Dendarii Mercenaries he only got a bday message from Elena Simon puts up a holodisplay of wormholes, tells Miles to evaluate the scenario Miles proves he's got the goods to analyze the data and complete an assessment  this also introduces us to the locations the story will be taking us, a bit of table setting that ends in a reminder of whats up with Cetaganda  Simon explains their focus "Wormhole strategy. The devil’s cat’s cradle,” Illyan muttered editorially. He squinted at his glowing schematic. “Four players, one game-board. It ought to be simple. . . ." theres an arms race developing in the Hegen Hub, planetary governments hiring mercs and building armed jump stations and the like the Dendarii have been contracted by Aslund to cover while they build a station we learn that the Dendarii have changed their name back to the Osserin Fleet Vervain hired someone called Randall's Rangers Illyan moves on to Cetaganda he suggests that Pol might react badly to learning Barrayar and the Dendarii have a link they might turn to Cetaganda Illyan wants information "Illyan, generally, wanted information with the same passion that a strung-out juba freak craved a spike. He turned now to Ungari. “So what do you think, Captain? Will he do?”" "He’s more physically conspicuous than I’d realized.”       “As camouflage, that’s not necessarily a disadvantage. In his company you ought to be nearly invisible. The stalking goat and the hunter.”" turns out CV thinks they should send Miles out to ascertain info on the Dendarii and the situation in general asks if Miles could be Naismith again "To activate that suppressed persona again . . . It wasn’t just a part, Illyan. “I could play Naismith again, sure. It’s stopping playing Naismith that scares me.”" Miles is freaking out inside but keeping cool Illyan sends him out to be on hand if they need him to take control of the Dendarii money to bribe them away from the Hub Hell be Naismith, keeping it cool "You will, of course, obey Captain Ungari’s orders. That goes without saying.” Illyan’s direct stare was chill as a Kyril Island midnight.       Miles smiled dutifully, to show he took the hint. I’ll be good, sir—let me off-planet! From ghost to goat—was this a promotion."  

Dean Eaton is back and ready to go! This second half was somewhat less hilarious only because the film itself was less so and we seemed to be sapped of energy because of it. But don't worry! We made it work! As always, we knuckled down and made ourselves presentable because damnit we're professionals and that's just how we do it. End of.   Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!  https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd   Dean's livestream   Omniversal Escapades   Jeff's podcasts/livestreams   Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show) James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024 Here’s James website for all his activities:  jameslark.co.uk Possible show titles   Daft Cows A Wizard Did It Something Said at an Orgy Tempting Fate [Jeff: we didn't say this but it struck me funny so I put it here] A Concept of a Planet Making a Movie is Hard Recommendations   Interior China - Jimmy O Yang Til Death Do Us Til Blart Altered Carbon Omniversal Escapades Social Media   Jeff Richardson @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon   Dean Eaton  @geekusdean on the various socials\   Links Tupac hologram Tim Curry quits acting The Simpsons Lucy Lawless: "A wizard did it" The MCU Shang-Chi: Legend of the Ten Rings Captain America: Civil War Spiderman: Far From Home Creed Evil Dead Bruce Campbell Ronnie Chang Chloe Bennett Extended Notes Atun the turtle knows why he's going near a star no one else knows the octavo is taking action, its pedestal is shaped like discworld and tilts to move the turtle rincewind falls - and doesnt die! shot of wizards tower why?   "did i just leave the world only to fall back on it again?"   2:30 "is that me, or is it getting bigger?"   protestors mobbing against wizards   "wizards out, wizards out!"   TC puts on big hat, getting inducted   "one small step for a wizard into the unseen, one giant leap for the unseen university"   TC is pretty chill about the unrest   "i propose that we perform the rite of Ashkente"   barbarian soldier types theyre talking pillaging one eyed guest whose name is legend explains his secret of longevity   "hot water, good dentistry, and soft lavatory paper"   big chest has toilet paper he uses to lure the one eyed guy is he smoking weed? he has a horse back at the tower, Ashkente rite takes place death shows up    "i was at a party, you know"   TC asks why the red star is getting bigger its because the turtle is moving towards it the octavo needs the eighth spell which is why it turned to grab rincewind all spells must be said together at solstice or many worlds will die where is rincewind?   "in the forest of skund, rimward of the ramtop mountains, feeling very sorry for himself"   death thinks the party will go downhill at midnight trymon talks to the orangutan librarian   "whoever says all the spells when the disc is in danger will gain ultimate power...to save the world. Yes, and that."   Trymon tells Horace not to tell anyone else about this secret. He gives H a banana. He says rincewind must not die until they get him back and empty his head Tourist shows up. RW doesnt want him to haunt him turns out hes still alive and dangling from a tree   "the turtle must have caught us somewhere?" why? who knows   where are we? tourist sees a stonehenge Trymon says get rw alive to save the world old one eye sees the chest open show the gold and keep moving 2f and rw are seeing nature sscrifice thing sex and violence usually at the same time 2f sees the cult coming, they hide old one eye and chest arrive about the chest:   "hes very loyal. if loyaltys what you need in a suitcase"   theyre going to sacrifice hottie 2f steps in to disrupt the party old one eye moves in, grabs rw, demands info   "his name is 2f and hes not from these parts"   old one eye wants the chest star is getting bigger   "you ever done this sort of thing before? rushed into a temple, killed the priest, got the gold, and saved the girl? not in too many words no. you do it like this."   one eye rushes in rw encourages 2f to go, he rescues hottie instead. shes not that into it. she didnt eff for eight years so she could be with moon goddess and they messed it up rw gets kncoed out, one eye stabs priest rw is dreaming, weird visuals he hs a very important task   "its not even a flesh wound"   girl wont let then rescue her. one eye disagrees   "dont just lie there you daft cow, help me up"   the seven spells want him to come back and return the eighth. he mustnt let the wrong wizards get his spell he must bring it back at the solstice. hes mad at them for ruining his life. he will be a real wizard again if he turns over the spell 2f wants to stay for the druid rite but rw tells him the solstice festival is best in Ankh Morpork   he wants to see the temple at bel shamharoth. where no one has returned alive the river snarl runs right past it on our way to the celebrations at ankh morpork they do their bro handshake wizards attack, they hide in sacrifical altar rince and tourist make it to a sacrificial pyre and the wizards are outside telling him theyve come for him   RW: "even by wizard standard, trymon is a nasty piece of work"   "if that star is an omen, were all going to die. how about the death star?"   they roll out action hero style, wizards stormtrooper shoot them until one goes right for rw. 2f takes the shot back to the protest trymon dumps some piss on the lead organizer wizards havent been able to find rincewind   one eye kills a guy rw drags knocked out 2f, props him up who saved them? cohen the barbarian hottie is way into it its him but hes gotten super old   hottie: "Bards still sing songs about you. I never get anyroyalties."   80 years in the business and what do i have to show for it? 100 recipes for soup hes bemoaning being too old to get respect rw has a cough 2f isnt exactly dead, hes just gone a necromancer   "whats neck romance?" "no necromancy is talking to the dead"   rw doesnt believe ittarot cards, 1st is the star four of elephants ace of turtles death   "is he really dead?"   lady makes a sort of medicine. he needs to drink it rw drinks he freezes and leaves his body where am i going? weird black and white death zone, hourglasses of rw and 2f rw arrives in driveway of big house   he looks for 2f sees a big pendulum blade 2f is watching it   "where are we exactly?"   "were sort of informally dead"   rw drags him out death says    "i so seldom have company"   "ive never been in deaths door before"   they run down the drive death rides up with a scythe hottie wakes up rw 2f hugs rincewind for saving his life   "the horse people are very suspicious"   picture guy paints whats really there, rw didnt like what he saw back at the wizards, trymon burned a magical chair. he goes over the agenda rw is item 1 star is item 2 trymon sent a hero to find rincewind wizards find that ridiculous   a heroine named Herrena is coming to grab rincewind cohen says horse people have decided to give the team mounts and horses to get to the river rincewind decides to split with cohen cohen doesnt know how to deal with sincerit rincewind explains how 2f always focuses on the positive wherever they go cohen likes his eyes    "they can see for 50 years"   cohen agrees to travel with 2f, hottie comes with   "in case Cohen needs anything rubbed"   star even bigger, 2f asks if theyll be burnt up, rw doesnt know rw says hottie has taken a shine to cohen cohen says hes 87   2f says "who could possibly attack us now?"   Herrena continues to follow big vistas and generic music near the troll bone mountains 2f tells cohen about dentures Herrena knocks out the crew and brings them to a big rock cave   2f and rw argue because the ladies ruin rincewinds cunning lie old troll mountain - really old trolls turn to stone fire is going to upset him because theyre all standing on his tongue troll waking up is a real nightmare rw and 2f are still tied, runningish   troll moves in their direction boys fall down wait how does sun work if discworld is freely moving through space? rw tells 2f what he really thinks the goons are back and have the boys cut to clamoring peasants outside university   destroy false wizards! the trouble is the archchancellor just isnt a team player lesser wizards plot to kill the AC theyll do it all together they do a trap with a banana component looks like AC got covered by drywall yogurt   he escapes! then has a growly freakout they bang a gong to get the ferryman ove its foggy ferryman is hooded   "youre not the usual ferryman"   Herrena orders men to grab Cohen he pops out and demolishes everyone Rws fight is so dumb he gets knocked out twice then bonked by the chest 2f is cheering on the fight cohen hurts his back   Herrena preps to stab hottie cracks her on the head with a stick hottie and cohen are getting married rw thinks its a bit odd wonders how cohen will have the stamina   cohen agrees with the concern, but he thought rw was talking about her octavo is itchy AC growls some more AC is pissed about hero not getting rw so hes going to consult the octavo   "we have gone beyond wisdom"   aint that right hottie is bethann people are going bugfuck rw asks why guy says disc is going to hit the star the spell speaks thru rw and says the star is life not death   cohen gets trolls teeth dentures Bethan his betrothed he wants a wedding dress and a steak rw and 2f come across rubes burning magic books people decide to slowly advance on rw AC enters octavo room   orders wizards to unlock the chain rw tries to do magic, but cant 2f hypes him up guy says all the magics gone rw does a wind spell that pokes a guy then rw faints   "I have a wizard!"   luggage returns and breaks up the mob wizards get the chain off AC grabs the book and heads to the great hall, locking the other wizards inside the room the star has other worlds around it 2f called them spots rw says no, but doesnt have a name for them, knows theyre things floating around the star   he just jacked someones fur off their stand and they didnt even react they get to the lower cellars we hear wizards shouting upstairs AC is climbing up RW goes to the octavo room door and sees that its the other wizards the masters of wizardry are in there   rincewind tries to open door but the guy says he doesnt have the magic for it rw tries to prove him wrong blue magic floats out and turns the lock door opens the wizards fill him in people are screaming so the wizards go to check it out are demons coming through? guy says no but worse   2f runs madly into the tower he just jacked a guys sword no problem rw has to follow   2f: "this is an adventure, isnt it?"   book comes down octavo is done 2f picks it up RW takes it and goes up top he says im not crazy and then talks to himself   AC greets him and welcomes him to enter his eyes are green flames briefly   "the 8th spell, give it to me"   AC tries to kill Rincewind but the big book blocks the shot chimp librarian climbs tower   "these statues look like wizards. "they are the wizards! there are? they were."   2f is looking for sword rw tries to crush AC with book then falls down ac falls on a banana peel and the spell hits him in the mouth, turns him to stone rw is inside the book rw is actually hanging off the stone   rw drops cohen grabs him death is annoyed again rw returns the spells to the book isnt all this magic exciting?   cohen isnt impressed, he likes stage magic book floats up and vanishes suddenly worlds move towards the disc theyre all new turtles with discs! theyre itty bitty   "thats 2flower, he just appreciates beautiy in his own way"   sleepy Atun looks kinda suss theres a turtle flying up over the sunset why only 8 and not hundreds like actual turtles magical octavo drops and lands in the luggage it wouldnt tell 2flower where it had put it   poor Trymon fell over and broke 2flower is going home rw is upset   "you havent really been anywhere until you get back home"   Cohen and Bethan got hitched he stole the dress for her they go to do their homey shake rw hugs him instead it feels like the end of a summer love affair   the tourist knows he'll never come this way again if he goes again he'll go somewhere else i wish he wasnt so closed off a character the patrician! he peers out of his litter, confirms that 2f is leaving, and bows his head   the luggage arrives to assist rw he doesnt want it but eventually caves Cohen and Bethan wave as the ship floats along the pier the real ship and dock would be all shouting, instead its all serene the scientists from the start do a joke and thats it its all a question of perspective?