Hate Watching with Dan and Tony

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A movie about condoms, cocaine, and the World Cup should be a layup for a wild studio comedy. Balls Up somehow turns that setup into a string of half-formed bits, missing reactions, and scenes that refuse to escalate. So we did what we do best: hate watched it closely and pulled it apart like a broken engine.

We talk through why the central buddy comedy dynamic never locks in, how Mark Wahlberg looks stranded without a co-star who can elevate the rhythm, and why “straight man” only works when the straight man is still funny. We dig into the biggest script problems: characters who change traits scene to scene, stakes that get introduced then ignored, and jokes that explain themselves instead of landing. Along the way we call out the few moments that actually spark, like the dialysis callback, the Larry David translator voice, the karaoke choice, and the one truly committed set piece involving a vampire fish and a very unlucky pee break.

After the movie autopsy, we pivot to what we’ve been enjoying lately, including long-form YouTube essays that dissect the MrBeast machine, plus Tony’s current comfort watch with the American Gladiators reboot. We also tease our next watch, Marty Supreme, and briefly vent about how modern reboots like Frasier can still have great actors but fail on writing.

If you laughed, cringed, or disagreed with our takes, subscribe, share the episode, and leave a review, then tell us the one change you’d make to fix Balls Up.

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Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech

And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT

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Dark Crimes wants to be a grim, prestige-leaning true crime thriller, but the further we follow it, the less it holds together. We sit down with our notes and try to track basic things a crime mystery should make clear: who wants what, what the evidence means, and why Jim Carrey’s detective is even making these choices. Instead, we find missing motivation, unclear timelines, and a “reveal” that feels like it changes the vibe more than the story.

The most heated part of our conversation is the adaptation problem. The real case that inspires the film has a genuinely interesting hook, yet the movie pivots into a sex cult angle that we think adds nothing to the central mystery while pushing the material toward exploitation. We talk about what that choice does to the theme, why the ending lands with a thud, and how basic screenwriting tools like dialogue and a strong investigative partner are oddly absent. If you like film criticism, movie podcasts, and honest breakdowns of plot holes, this one is a full teardown.

After we finally put the movie down, we cleanse the palate with what we actually enjoyed this week, from Scream 7 to the return of American Gladiators, plus a few side quests into reality TV and why Traitors works. We also get into a surprisingly real topic: the influencer career dream and what happens when the audience moves on, then connect it to the creative trap of waiting for perfect camera gear before you make anything.

If you’re listening, subscribe for more movie chaos, share the episode with a friend who loves a good bad-movie autopsy, and leave a review telling us your all-time most confusing thriller twist.

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Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech

And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT

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A three-hour sci-fi epic shouldn’t feel like you accidentally hit replay, yet that’s the vibe we can’t shake while breaking down Avatar 3: Fire and Ash. We’re Dan and Tony, and we watch the movies everyone’s already seen, then pull on the threads that the hype cycle ignores: character logic, story structure, and whether the emotional moments are actually earned.

We dig into the big question the movie flirts with and then seems to abandon: what’s the real moral dilemma here? From Jake Sully’s sudden turn toward “maybe I should kill Spider” to the recycled son-rebels-again storyline, we talk about why stakes don’t work when they show up without buildup. We also get into the film’s environmental themes, whale hunting brutality, and the colonialism allegory, especially when the humans are cartoonishly cruel and the Na’vi feel oddly disconnected from the animals the franchise used to treat as sacred.

Then we hit the craft stuff: CGI that still looks impressive, creature design that almost saves scenes, sound design choices that make us scream at our screens, and worldbuilding rules that seem to change depending on what the plot needs. Plus, an intermission you have to hear to believe: a mouse breaks into Tony’s Girl Scout cookies and sparks an all-out household war.

Subscribe for more movie reviews, share this with a friend who loves film criticism, and leave a review if you want us to keep surviving blockbusters like this. What’s the one moment in Fire and Ash you think should have worked but didn’t?

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Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech

And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT

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A sequel can be bigger, darker, and meaner, but it still has to make sense. We take on Greenland: Migration as a natural disaster movie and post-apocalyptic survival thriller that keeps sprinting past its own logic: rations that magically last years, bunker life that feels weirdly comfortable, and character deaths that happen so fast they barely register. We’re not asking for a documentary. We’re asking for cause and effect, stakes that stick, and a world that doesn’t collapse the second you think about fuel, medicine, or basic survival behavior.

We also try to untangle the movie’s endgame, from the “civil war” language to the supposed war zone guarding a fertile crater in France. That’s where we introduce our favorite concept from the show: the “Dan Goodsell line,” the one sentence a script uses to explain away something bizarre so you’ll stop asking questions. When that line works, it’s a cheat we’ll happily accept. When it doesn’t, it becomes the loudest problem in the scene.

After we vent, we pivot to stuff we actually enjoyed, including Brawl in Cellblock 99 as a reminder of what it looks like when a movie sits in a situation and lets tension build. We also hit quick recommendations and TV talk, from Send Help to Jury Duty, and we tee up what we’re watching next. If you’re into movie podcast reviews, disaster movie debates, and screenwriting craft, you’ll have plenty to argue with us about. Subscribe, share the show, and leave a review, then tell us: what’s the worst plot hole you’ll still forgive?

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Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech

And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT

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An AI judge. A 90-minute timer. One chair that can end you. Mercy sells itself like a sleek future-court thriller, but the more we follow its rules, the less the world holds together and that’s where our review gets viciously fun.

We walk through the movie’s central idea: Judge Maddox runs the Mercy Court as judge, jury, and (indirectly) executioner, while Chris Pratt’s Detective Chris Raven has to prove his innocence with no lawyer and almost no real investigation happening on the system’s side. We dig into the “guilt percentage” threshold, the film’s obsession with interconnected twists, and the strange choice to make the supposed hero an abusive alcoholic, which flips the entire emotional engine of the story. If you care about screenwriting, pacing, and believable stakes, we call out the exact moments where the logic collapses.

The conversation also goes bigger than one movie. We argue about what AI can and can’t do, why people over-trust chatbots, and why any story about algorithmic justice needs an actual point of view on ethics, bias, and accountability. Mercy keeps teasing a message about AI courts and policing, then swerves into a finale where the AI behaves however the plot demands, leaving us asking what the movie even thinks it’s saying.

We wrap with what we’re enjoying right now (Bait and Company Retreat) and tee up the next review: Greenland 2. If you listen, share your take, subscribe for the next one, and leave a review or a comment telling us where you think we’re dead wrong.

Written Lovingly by AI
Be our friend!

Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech

And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT